How much is this going to cost?
More Than You Might Expect…
Divorce doesn’t just affect your relationship status—it can take a serious toll on nearly every part of your life. Beyond the obvious financial burden, it can reshape your tax situation, damage your credit, alter your savings strategy, influence your lifestyle and eating habits, and drastically change how you and your children live day to day. Let’s break down both the direct and hidden costs of divorce—because the true price goes far beyond legal fees.
Lawyers (Direct Costs)
Hiring a divorce lawyer is often one of the most expensive parts of the process. On average, attorneys charge between $250 and $400 per hour.
To even begin working with a lawyer, you’ll need to pay a retainer—an upfront fee that secures their services. Retainers typically range from $3,000 to $6,000, though in complex or high-conflict cases, they can be significantly higher. Once the retainer is used up, you’ll need to replenish it, and you're also responsible for any charges that exceed it.
Billing Practices:
Lawyers usually bill in increments, often with a 20-minute minimum per interaction. That means a single text, quick email, or one-line question could easily cost you $60 or more. To make the most of your legal fees, be strategic with your communication—batch your questions and prepare before each call or meeting.
Ongoing Costs:
Expect monthly invoices, especially if you're actively engaged in the case. Legal work like drafting motions, preparing court orders, attending mediation, or appearing in court can quickly drain your retainer and rack up fees.
Real-World Example:
In my own case, I’ve been in an ongoing legal battle for over two and a half years. So far, I’ve spent more than $48,000 in legal fees alone—and the fight still isn’t over.
Mediation With and Without Attorneys (Direct Costs)
Before you ever step foot in front of a Commissioner or Judge, the court will require you and your ex to attempt mediation. This is often a first step in resolving disputes outside of a courtroom.
If you and your ex are navigating the process amicably and without attorneys, hiring a private mediator can be a much more cost-effective option. Mediators typically charge by the hour, but without the added cost of legal counsel, this route can save thousands.
However, once you've retained an attorney, they will attend the court-mandated mediation sessions with you—which significantly increases costs. You’ll be responsible for your lawyer’s hourly rate in addition to the mediator's fees.
Personal Example:
In my case, we spent eight hours in mediation. My attorney charged $320 per hour, and I also paid $275 for the mediator. I’m not sure what my ex spent on her attorney, but it’s safe to assume it was in the same range. It adds up quickly—especially if no resolution is reached.
Depositions (Direct Costs)
A deposition is a formal legal proceeding where you (or your ex) are required to testify under oath in front of the opposing attorney. These sessions are part of the discovery process and are typically conducted outside of the courtroom—but they’re no less serious.
Just like in mediation, your attorney will be present, and you'll be charged for their time—often at their full hourly rate. In addition, a court reporter will be present to transcribe everything said, which adds another layer of cost.
Unlike mediation, depositions are often tense and confrontational. The tone can be adversarial, and the questions are designed to extract information that could later be used in court. You or your ex will be sworn in, and the session can last several hours, depending on the complexity of the case.
These proceedings can be emotionally draining and expensive. You're paying for every minute of your attorney’s time, the court reporter, and possibly for transcription services afterward. In my case, it cost me over $2000 for a 3 hour deposition.
Motions That Alter Your Living Situation (Indirect Costs)
Certain court motions—especially Temporary Orders—can drastically and immediately affect your financial situation. These are decisions made early in the process, often in brief hearings, and yet their impact can last for months or even years.
If the court orders you to move out of the marital home, you're suddenly faced with the burden of maintaining two households. In my case, with no extended family nearby, I had no choice but to rent a nearby apartment. That meant coming up with first and last month’s rent, a security deposit, and paying for storage and new utilities—all while still paying the mortgage on the home I was forced to leave.
On top of that, the court ordered me to pay $2,795 per month in alimony and child support. Combined with my rent and associated living costs—around $3,000 per month—I found myself paying significantly more than my original mortgage, essentially doubling my monthly expenses.
This dramatic shift happened during a rushed, 45-minute hearing in front of a Commissioner. And the outcome didn’t just affect me for a month or two—this new financial reality has lasted for over two years. At $5,795 a month for 24 months, that's $139,080—pooooooof, gone.
Taxes (Indirect Costs)
Taxes are one of those hidden financial hits that can catch you off guard—especially if your custody arrangement isn’t an even 50/50 split.
If one parent is awarded more than 50% custody in a temporary or final order, they’re typically entitled to claim the children as dependents for tax purposes. This can lead to a significant shift in your tax liability and reduce or eliminate your eligibility for key tax credits.
In my case, the temporary orders granted my ex a 60/40 custody split, which automatically gave her the right to claim all of our children on her tax returns. That decision alone cost me about $12,000 in lost tax credits and deductions—a major financial blow I hadn’t anticipated.
To avoid surprises, it’s crucial to consult a qualified tax professional as early as possible in the divorce process. They can help you understand the impact of custody arrangements on your filing status, exemptions, and potential refunds, and advise you on the most strategic approach.