Do’s and Don’ts
Do Document Everything…
In the beginning, it is important to document everything unfortunately. As your case builds you can refine what you need to document. The court could care less about text message conversations (unless they are threatening physical violence or abuse), and back and forth argumentative behavior. The point of documentation is to find patterns that will help you later in court, as well as help maintain standards when your ex tries to have it both ways.
Do Establish Patterns…
It is important to establish patterns that show irresponsibility, aggression, poor judgement, poor behavior, spending habits, and criminal conduct. Also patterns that can show your ex weaponizes the children against you, as well as any orders you may already have in place.
Do Be Proactive With Trying to Settle Amicably…
Throughout the entire process it is important to always try to end things amicably where possible. Even if you know it will fall on deaf ears. When you get into court, the judge is looking for who the problem is. If it’s both of you then you are as much to blame as your ex is. However, establishing a long pattern of trying to solve your situation outside of court will help to build layers in showing the court your character and
Do NOT participate in tit for tat behavior…
When you finally get in front of a judge, you do not want to paint yourself as equal to your ex, and the easiest way to do that is constantly going back and forth on everything. Whether its arguing, or purposely going out of your way to stick it to your ex will ensure the judge sees you both as the problem.
Do NOT be a stalker…
It is not difficult to get restraining orders against you as the “crazy stalker” ex. If you fall into this trap you are severely crippling your chances of a successful ending. Even if what your ex is doing is wrong or immoral. If your situation calls for having your ex’s behavior watched, in the state of Utah it must be done via a private investigator. A private investigator is expensive, but if successful, could have major impacts on your case also allowing you to go after your ex for those expenses. The quickest way to lose this option is to have a restraining order already against you.
Do NOT move out…
Do not move out of the marital home until forced to do so. Even if you are just trying to keep the peace or you just feel defeated. Doing so is called abandonment and could cost you the rights to your home.