Custody and Co-Parenting
It will take both of you-rising above your differences for your children.
Put the Children First
Let me be as clear as possible:
You must put your children ahead of yourselves.
No matter how difficult your relationship with your ex may be, never speak negatively about the other parent in front of your children. Even if you think they’re not listening—they are. Words stick. Don’t make your children feel they have to choose between the two of you. They love you both, and forcing that kind of decision is unfair and emotionally damaging.
Regardless of your custody arrangement, when your children are with you, be the best version of yourself. Set an example. Choose what is right for them—not what is easy or convenient for you. Co-parenting, especially with someone you can’t control or communicate well with, is one of life’s hardest challenges. The effort you put in may go unrecognized, but it is still worth every ounce of energy. It is also a powerful way to show your children how to face life’s challenges with grace and strength.
Never use your children as tools, or weaponize them to hurt or gain leverage over your ex.
Improve Communication
If communication with your ex is strained, try using a dedicated text messaging system or co-parenting app. Use clear subject lines—like School, Sports, Health—so topics don’t get lost in the chaos of everyday life.
Create a Shared Calendar.
This tool can:
Help both parents plan and adjust schedules,
Notify each party of changes,
Reduce the need for direct communication (unless absolutely necessary).
It requires effort and cooperation from both sides, but it will simplify your life—and more importantly, make your children’s lives easier.
Don’t Leave Children in the Middle
Children often get stuck in a kind of legal purgatory—confused and caught between two worlds. They need structure and consistency just as much as the adults. They should know the schedule as well as you and your ex do.
In Utah, there is guidance for this via the Custodial/Non-Custodial Holiday Schedule, which provides a helpful framework for fairness and clarity.